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Future me becomes Present me

February 28, 2011

A year again a friend informed me that I could talk to myself in the future from the past in a weird technological, time capsule type of way. This was through 'FutureMe' which you can find here . In a nutshell it allows you to write an e-mail to yourself from now in the present moment to yourself at any point in the future, you write what you think would be beneficial to hear in said amount of time, put the date you want to receive this e-mail, then forget about it and receive it in the future when you least expect it.

So yesterday I received my e-mail from a year ago. The strange thing is I had been thinking vaguely about futureme before I received it and in my head had come to the conclusion that I had set it to send me an e-mail in a few years not now so I was a little surprised to see the instruction of 'Read me' in the subject title but not entirely shocked. I read over it, a little excited to know what pearls of wisdom my past self had sent to inspire the me of the moment. It was not eloquent or poetic, the language was simple,cheesy, badly spelt and to the point. It stated what had been happening in my life and painted a picture of where I wanted to be. It was sent on a monumental day for me in the sense that (little did I know at the time) that it marked the start of a period of misery, for the next 4 months I would be lonelier than I had ever been, returning to an empty house each night when all i needed was somebody and a hug, hours away from anyone who truly cared. Weekends stretched filled with nothing but work. The work I was doing I hated,I found it tedious, when I woke in the morning I could not eat as I would immediatley be sick with nerves for the day ahead, I was forever on edge and angry with the world, I was doing nothing I loved (because there was no time) and was nowhere near anybody that I loved.

Reading this e-mail from the moment before all this happened, made me think long and hard of what the last year has been- from the pits, reflecting on why it was the pits, what I have learnt from being in the pits and how my life compares a life on. Now, I can smile about it, smile because I got through it when I could have just quit easily but didn't, I learnt that I could cope on my own and know that within the rest of my life there may have to be another time when I am on my own again. I smile because everything is so so much better now, I am surrounded by a family that I love, being at home is a simple joy, I am still in a job that is not entirely right for me but it is a hundred times better than the dreadgery of the previous one and in a small way I am helping people and words I say now may help other in un-recognisable ways in the future. I have a life again in the sense that I am doing some of the things that I love and make me-me. It is not perfect, but I am content. I wish for this and that and want to tweak this area and that but when I think of what I have now compared to what I have then there is really nothing that I can complain about. I'm accepting now and ready to give my cares to God rather than carrying them all myself and being knocked down by them.

I have a lot to look forward to, from October this year I will be doing, finally something that I love and want to do and excited about what it will lead to. I know one day soon me and James will be together again come what may. So for now I am enjoying this time of contentment, a time to rebuild and become strong and happy again, a time of still and peaceful enjoyment-readying myself for what may lie ahead.

In a way this blog is like a futureme, it is a record of past thoughts and ideas, hopes for the future. I am certain that I will look over all that I have written and it will remind me where I have been as a person and how far I have come. I have declared to myself that this futureme is going to be a thing I do as sporadic reminders of how I used to think. Already in response to the e-mail I received yesterday (which you can read below) I have written an e-mail about now for myself in five years time on my 27th birthday. Maybe when I'm old and grey I will print them all out and view them as a record of how I developed.

The following is an e-mail from the past, sent through
It was composed on Friday, February 26, 2010, to be sent on Saturday, February 26, 2011: 
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Dear FutureMe, 

Well I am sure this is very strange when you read this in the future a year on from the day I write this. Well....what is happening at the moment in your life I'm sure you want to know, in the middle of pgce, in second placement at Aylsham, starting teaching again next week.....scary stuff, lessons on industrial revolution and appeasement, will I ever feel comfortabe and unscared of teaching....ony the future can tell?

Perhaps I'm on a cusp of change at the moment it feels like there is the potential for lots to change. James has been living with me in Norwich but leaves tommorrow to go back to kent so that will be very different, we will suddenly be in a long distance relationship. I am sure we will be fine, but still going to miss him lots and worry and its going to be lonesome in norwich.....very isolated here, miles from anyone that really cares deeply for me but COME ON this is going to be a good challenge for me and will mature me and make me more independednt. Still can't beleive I'm a proper adult doing adult thigns most of the time. Yeah so we shall see how things go with James, hopefully well, I'm sure they will. I wonder what he will be doing this time in a year, I hope hes got something sorted and got a job and doing something he likes and I'm not too far from him.

Main concerns at the moment are getting through pgce and being aone in norwich, becoming a good teacher and getting a job next year (where will I be....hmmmm intersting!), nowhere or no one seems to want me at the moment, wating to hear from 7 places and still more applications to do 😦 I'm mainlyhappy I guess jsut gonna keep busy and positvie, from this moment let me see what being positive can do to make my life better.....who knows what the year ahead has for me, anything can happen, I just need to remember to be happy, not worry, be positive, care for others and keep my faith in God whatever happens.

Got my Curriculum assignment back today and fortunately passed so that was a relief.

So future self, where are you now and what are you doing, I hope you are happy and rembering to be positive, remember whatever your worried/concerned about now you probably will have forgotten about in the year. So this is a message from the past, keep going, be you, you ahve amazing strenghts and qualities, remember them and draw on them, you can get through anything if you need to.

Love your past self----weird..... go and listen to a random song now, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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